Chase-ing the Median


In case you missed it, JPMorgan Chase Bank decided to inspire people with a little Twitter convo – a pretend conversation between a customer and his/her bank account.

It did not go well. Seems we could all just not be poor if we made the HARD choices in life and stopped drinking expensive coffee. Maybe breathing slower to reduce the metabolic rate and save food would help too. Yeah, Suze Orman probably has a “how to breathe slower” kit she will sell you. I mean she is only worth $35 million or something.

How can she possibly feed her family?

Probably shops at the same store as Chase CEO Jamie Dimon. He only made $31 million in 2018. Maybe Suze can loan him a Mercedes.

So I try to be reasonable, thoughtful, etc, but now I’m pissed. We hear all the time about the disparity between the 1 percent and well, the rest of us, and mostly we just ignore it and grind along. But now Chase, which received $25 billion in taxpayer money to bail them out of the 2008 financial crisis, is telling us to eat cake. Wait, actually no, they are telling us to NOT eat cake, as that would be a luxury, like, you know, coffee.

Remember Mad-Libs? where you filled in the blanks? Well fill this one in.

Jamie, you and your ____________ can literally go ____________ _____________. As the rest of this country grinds along, you and your __________ are feasting on the _____________ of the working class, who think you might want to_____________ _______________ in a river.

Let me drop some data on you.

According to here..

Nearly 10 million households in the U.S. do not even have a bank account.

26 percent of adults have NO savings. 36 percent of adults have not even begun to save for retirement. Let me put that fantasy to bed. There will be no retirement.

36 million households live paycheck to paycheck. 41 percent of adults don’t even have $500 saved for emergencies.

Since 1980, the disparity in income between the top and the rest of us has been growing. Look it up here.

The actual median household income in the U.S is around $61,000. Keep in mind that is all income from every earner in a household, and half the country falls below that line. Well below that line. The poorest zip codes in the U.S. have incomes in the $12-14k range.

That’s bananas.

So Mr. Dimon made $31 million you say. He earned it you say. Ok fine, maybe he will donate $10-15 million to charities, be philanthropic, etc. In fact his family does donate. They pumped money into the colleges where their children went (sound familiar?) but in fairness they donated to many groups and organizations over the years.

If you give someone 31 mil, and they donate a couple mil of it, well that’s fine. Good for them.

But that didn’t help you a bit did it? You know that $4 coffee you need to now abstain from? Chase charges $5 a month for a basic savings account fee, or $25 for a premier one. They will wave the fee if you also open a checking account, which costs $12 a month. BUT NOT THE BASIC CHECKING ONE. See what they did there? However, they will wave all the fees if you keep certain balances in your checking account ($1500) or savings ($300).

Oh wait, you need $15,000 in the premier savings to waive the fee, or have a Sapphire checking account, which they charge $25 for, unless you have $75,000 in the account. And around and around we go…

Tell you what, see that wall? Just go ram your head into it.

So if you are low-ish income, working check to check, a Chase basic checking account and a savings account will cost you $17 a month. 5+12. And if you go to an ATM out of network, cause you needed quick cash, they charge you $2.50. So two accounts, and a few trips for cash and you are paying Chase $22 – $25 a month. Oh and there is a $5 fee for withdrawing money from savings. Tell you what, just put it under your mattress.

The top few percent, no no, you pay no fee, you rich person you. Chase will use your money to invest it, maybe in derivatives, lose it, then ask
America for $25 billion to fix their mistake. And thank Dimon with 31 mil.

Oh and the median rent in the U.S is roughly $1000 a month. So quick math, 60k / 12 is $5000 a month, and one fifth of that just went to rent. In reality home expenses are much higher than 1/5th of your income.

But to be fair, were Mr. Dimon to spend a 5th of his monthly income on housing, he would be forced to buy a house with only a $51,000 monthly mortgage. His monthly note would be only slightly less than your household brings in in a year.

And they want you to stop drinking coffee? WTF?

And as for daily expenses, things like milk are $5 a gallon, gas $4, etc etc. Point being the cost of goods as a percentage of your income is WAY higher for you than it is for Dimon and his ilk.

It gets worse. You, just you, are on the hook for $66,000 in U.S. national debt, and it’s closer to $400,000 per person for all unfunded U.S liabilities.

Here, full screen the live stream debt clock and be horrified. You should be.

The beach you will not be retiring to

The truth is this. We are all f-ed. Social Security, that quaint little socialist program that takes a few dollars out of your check each month will be insolvent by 2035, and medicare is F-ed as well. Which means for people my age, the few scraps I was going to get will either not be there, or be pushed back until I’m in my 70s.

Right now roughly 68 million people get about $1300 a month from Social Security. By 2035, the money simply won’t be there.

But that won’t matter to Dimon, or his family, or his children, or their spouses, or the grand kids. They can all have as many @$#@ lattes as they want. They are safely over the income disparity line. And when the system finally craters, and it will, they can retreat to their underground bunkers and sip wine, nibble on cheese, while the hunger games rage outside.

The rest of us? Screwed.

So I’ll have my coffee there Chase. A big, $6 venti, and someone please, put some Baileys in it.