Ok fine there are like 11 other candidates –
Amy Klobuchar, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Tulsi Gabbard, Julián Castro, John Delaney, Andrew Yang, Jay Inslee, John Hickenlooper, Kirsten Gillibrand, William Adkins. What the hell, I’ll run too. And be one kick-ass president for at least six months.
So these are the knights of the democratic round table. Their quest – to defeat the evil emperor who resides in the white castle, surrounded by dragons and the undead GOP who sold their souls at the crossroads for one spin at the top with their overlord.
Theirs will be a perilous journey, and most will perish politically in the fields of Iowa, gutted by their very own members and some suspicious country folk. Yet out of the fires of the primary season one among them will rise to fight the dragon. And their name will surely have a B in it.
Although maybe it’s again time to consider a queen. There are five female candidates, that I could count anyway. Each with their own unique story and merits. But can one of them complete all the levels and defeat the boss in the bonus round?
Beto? Will he skateboard to victory? Or Buttigieg, who’s name I can now spell without looking, aw shucks and be reasonable all the way to victory? Does Booker have the right suit? Will Grandpa Joe smile, wink, and shoulder rub his way to the Resolute Desk?
With Biden’s entry into the arena, it’s officially game on now. The election season is upon us, which is why I miss Sunday papers and Bloom County. Yes BB has his Facebook page and I need to check it, but man, his political cartoons were the best.
So, were I to bet on a candidate….
Tulsi Gabbard is currently at +4000 in Vegas betting odds. Let’s just call that 40-1. Oddly enough Vegas has Trump impeached by the House in his first term at roughly even money. But I digress.
So the dems have the following covered – old, young, gay, straight, grumpy, disheveled, sharp dressed, Catholic, Protestant, Black, White, Hindu, Asian, millennial, skateboarder, musician, brew-pub owner, tech guy, male military veteran, female military veteran, west coast, east coast, Texas, Hawaii, middle America, rust belt, Pacific Northwest, inner city, and rural farmer.
And they will be battling the following – a white, entitled, twice divorced, vain, agnostic, narcissistic, rude, bigoted, draft dodging bully akin to a petulant child with a knack for ginning up the masses.
So how is it that a group of people that represent nearly every aspect of American life might not be able to select a candidate to defeat the evil overlord?
Can it be as simple as we just like the loudest asshole in the bunch? Or this time around will we look to someone with real content of character, with a shred of decency in their bones? Or have politics just become MMA combat?
What say you dems? Who ya got this time around?