Hey Hey Chick-fil-A


I’m going to be honest with you, I’m simply lost on this one.

It would seem a university dean, Cynthia Newman of Rider University in New Jersey, (which we have all heard of right?) decided to step down from her dean-ship because the university administration chose to not include Chick-fil-A on a list of possible on campus vendors due to the chain’s lack of LGBTQ+ support. She interpreted the university’s stance as an attack on Christian values.

She being Christian, protested by stepping down.

The chain does have a “conservative” slant if you will. Closed on Sundays! And yes they support the WinShape foundation, which they started, that pushes the traditional marriage / family model. You know the one where King David had the hots for a married girl named Bathsheba cause he saw her bathing (giggle), had soldiers bring her over, got her pregnant (possibly raped her), then ordered his trusted general (and her husband) Uriah to the front lines of battle to die so he could then marry her and produce Solomon! You know that set of family values. 2nd Samuel 11:3 if you think I’m kidding.

They are certainly NOT Carl’s Jr. Seriously Carl, your ads make me want to sin, like right now, just remembering them, hot hot sin…. I mean dang, I sound like David.

Ok, calm everyone, calm. I’m just needling you.

Yes I am supportive of inclusion of all reasonable groups (NAMBLA you should probably not hold meetings at your local Chick-fil-A). I’m a fan of not being a bigot, or rude, or dismissive, or judgemental. You are Catholic or Baptist or Muslim, or an atheist, or L or G or B, any of it, I want you to get a fair shake. And an actual shake. Have you had the Cookies and Cream?

I will sit and break a delicious spicy chicken sandwich with two pickles on the top with you any time.


I would doubt that anyone has ever walked into a Chick-fil-A and been rounded up and burned like a witch. Or preached to, or yelled at, or ignored. I mean maybe, and if I’m wrong I truly apologize.  But seriously, when was there video footage in a Chick-fil-A of some stuff going down?

As evidence I submit the following COMPILATION videos of shit getting real in a fast food joint.

let’s rumble fast food style

Or just Google fast food fights and you get links to McDonalds, Taco Bell, Wendys, KFC, and on and on. (They might just want to field teams and fight each other.) Not that those places are bad. I love me some Bell.  But what you fail to see are Chick-fil-A throw downs.

Maybe it’s the culture, maybe angels are watching over the franchises, maybe it’s just luck. Maybe all the fights happen on Sundays.  If I look hard enough I’m sure I might find the occasional CFA beatdown, but even then, whatever.

Now I’m sure if I felt that a place I’m considering spending my money in is hostile to me or a group I belong to I would second guess eating there, and then maybe head for the KFC to see if I could get in a scrape.  The idea that religion gets used as a reason to discriminate is wrong, and unfortunately is as old as religion itself. Religious persecution is a VERY real thing and no laughing matter. It’s shameful. Telling someone they are going to Hell because they are not like you, or don’t believe what you do, is repulsive.

Yet being who I am I have eaten in liberal joints, conservative joints, soul food joints, rib shacks, every fast food place we have, formal Michelin starred pads, food trucks, back yard cookouts with gun owners, backyard cookouts with gun haters, Trump lovers, Trump despisers, airplanes, trains, and even stuff that has hit my own floor, and maybe left overnight. I am quite sure I have walked into some joint where other customers looked over like “what are you doing here?”

Then I ordered. Because I was hungry.

And nobody has ever handed me my order and said, “Thank you have a nice day and oh by the way God hates you. Die.” (I will concede someone has probably spit in my order, but hey, the mustard covers it up..)

And maybe I failed to take a stand just because I wanted waffle fries, which are only second to the slender McDonalds ones, correctly salted of course.

And that is the problem will all of this. There are institutions where discrimination – age, gender, race, sexual orientation or identification –  truly, completely, matter. The courts, the schools, the banks, the civil agencies, etc. We want our laws to work equally for us. Good.

That ideal has been a goal since 1776 and we keep getting closer. There are plenty among us who still remember segregation and events like lunch-counter sit-ins. African-Americans being denied the simple comfort of just being able to walk into a place and eat without possibly being beaten. THAT is a fast food joint problem. Courageous people fought for equality and won, at great expense.

The Chick-fil-A kiss-in protest that happened in 2012 was clever and got the point across and was probably a proportional response to the corporate policies of the chain. It was a reminder that discrimination, or let’s say judgement, can lie in all sorts of places. And there is evidence that the chain, since the 2012 blowup, has amended some of its policies, statements, and who it donates to.

All of this gets me back to the original story.

Protesting a chicken joint on a campus does nothing to move the needle. It simply re-confirms the battle lines as opposing sides dig in deeper, winging mustard packets at each other.

I wish we could all sit down, maybe in a conference room somewhere, maybe in a mountain retreat center, and just work through some of this stuff, maybe realize that there are many issues that we will never really all agree on, but that we can find a way to gently coexist, maybe not in deep love, but at least mutual tolerance. Or we could go trash a Taco Bell lobby, shirtless. Anyone?

Chick-fil-A could cater. Have you had a nugget plate? My goodness.


…and now i might need to check the inbox for a vegan comment… I’m sorry..